my sick and twisted journey through the hardships of anorexia.
I’m not going to tell you my name so that this stays anonymous. But I will tell you a little about myself. I’m a college student with a bit of OCD in me. For me, pretty much everything has to be perfect. I love in a large city where everything depepnds on my looks. I want to be a journalist/videographer. I’m 5’9”, I have balck hair, green eyes and a pretty face. The problem is…my body is ugly.
My eating disorder started when I was 12. I never really cared about how I looked before that. I was a Tom Boy, I guess. But when I started middle school everyone around me seemed to care about looks and clothes and hair. I felt ugly. All I wanted was to be pretty. I started going shopping and wearing make-up and straightening my hair, but nothing was making me feel as pretty as everyone esle. One day, after I got out of the shower, I looked in the mirror and realized what was wrong. I was fat.
I decided that the first step would be to go on a diet. I begged my mom to buy me a beauty magazine and i googled everything I could about diets. I started by eating fruit in the morning, a salad in the afternoon, and meat and veggies in the evening. But I wasn’t losing weight. Slowly I started to cut more and more from my diet and when I would stray I would feel liek a piece of shit.
I deceided that the only way to keep on track was to punish myself for eating fattening things. Everytime i strayed…I would cut myself. I strayed less and cut more and more. I started losing large amounts of weight each month. But nothing was ever good enough. I got down to 88 pounds and was happy there.
Over the years I have gained back about 50 pounds due to an attempt at recovery, but I’m ready to be skinny again. I’m at 140 right now. My goal is 120.
Are you ready to follow my sick and twisted adventure?
***I realize that anorxia is a bad thing and I do not promote being anorexic at all. If you are anorexic I encourage you to read this blog to realize how hard it is and to seek help***
